We have all been knocked off kilter during this time of pandemic and have to make sacrifices in so many areas of our lives but many people are struggling and are confused about how they are feeling with so many changes during this time of pandemic, says Lianna Champ
If we love our job, there’s no greater feeling than arriving at work, ready to bring the day on.
Work is very often the one place we can switch off from the demands of home, leave our troubles and personal problems at the door, as we get caught up in the excitement and hustle and bustle of the working day. It is common to spend more time with our colleagues than we do with our family, sharing the successes and failures of the working day, all these experiences bonding us.
Our workplace can have a comfortable predictability, even with the highs and lows of the next deal or challenging client. And now we have to navigate the biggest forced change we have ever seen in our time. All the things we took for granted have been taken away and our work environment and way we work have changed during the pandemic – and may have changed permanently. We don’t know, but we do realise that from now on things will be different.
Life is all about change yet as human beings we are creatures of habit. We simply get comfortable and set in our ways with what we are doing because it becomes familiar to us over time. When change occurs or we are asked to change our usual ways of doing things we can go into conflict as we are pushed out of our comfort zones and this can feel quite daunting. We do have a natural instinct to avoid anything that makes us uncomfortable and a natural tendency to avoid fearful situations as well as the unknown, which is why most people don’t like change and can stay doing the same thing, sometimes for years, even though their heart may not be in it.
We have all been knocked off kilter during this time of pandemic and have to make sacrifices in so many areas of our lives. We may look back to how things were before and we can feel nostalgic – a sentimentality towards the past and the familiar way of doing things. We can have happy personal associations with the way things were. But many people are struggling and are confused about how they are feeling with so many changes during this time of pandemic.
This nostalgia, for our life pre-Covid, is actually grief. So how do we define grief?
Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to the loss of someone we love or something we value. Grief is also the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a familiar pattern of behaviour. That means that any event that causes change can cause us to grieve.
When we lose someone we love or something we value we describe this kind of loss as tangible
because we can identify or name that person or thing. But when we have a reaction to something like a pandemic, our grief encompasses lots of things that perhaps we can’t put a specific name to but still causes us to grieve. We describe these losses as intangible or ambiguous – loss of freedom, loss of security, fear of the unknown, uncertain future, loss of dreams and so on.
We are grieving and, if we can name it perhaps it can make it easier for us to manage it. We feel and know the world has changed, and it has.
If we act like we are fine and try to carry on as normal, we will have this same expectation of others around us and it can create division and isolation. If we acknowledge what we are missing and share our feelings with our colleagues about our reactions, fears and longings then it helps to reduce the weight of our grief. By putting it onto words how you feel you allow yourself to feel it and can then let it go.
It is ok to be sad and long for how things used to be, but life is about change and we have to learn to let go and stop trying to control everything.
Our reactions, even to something that we are all experiencing like this pandemic, are incredibly personal. We each experience change and loss based upon our own learnings and past experiences. Our reaction to anything is unique to ourselves and even though we may share similar emotions with others, there is no ‘one size fits all’ reaction or solution.
As managers in the workplace, we are the leaders and role models who set the behaviour and standard for our workers. Our role could almost be described as parental. The workforce look to their managers as guides to navigate the trials, triumphs and traumas that can happen in our workplace.
Provide people the opportunity for everyone to share their feelings and reflections about how things used to be and their apprehensions about the future. This can help create a path forward to better practises where everyone feels heard and valued.
- Take
it in turns to speak and do not interrupt when someone is talking. If someone
just wants to listen and reflect rather than share openly, respect this and
don’t draw attention to it.
- Equally, if someone cries when they are speaking, do not try and change how they are feeling. Just as smiling and laughing are a natural reaction when we are happy, tears are a normal and natural reaction to things that upset us.
Have an appointed ‘go to’ person if you can see that someone is struggling and needs support. Watch out for any signs that someone may not be coping well – their time keeping may become poor, missing deadlines, reduced standards of work, also any signs of substance abuse. If you feel that someone is struggling, try and be a safe place for them, someone they can talk to in confidence without judgement or criticism. Work with them to help them through it. Offer what help you can and, if you feel it necessary, recommend specialist counselling.
Lianna Champ has more than 40 years’ experience in grief and trauma counselling and is author of practical guide, How to Grieve Like A Champ
