We hold our leaders and other public figures to higher standards and we judge them more harshly. Why is this? Why do we not feel able to show them compassion? Joan van den Brink finds out
When leaders or high-profile individuals transgress, we are quick to condemn them and demand that they are punished.
Consider the furore surrounding UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who has reportedly been at parties held in 10 Downing Street, Elizabeth Holmes, CEO of Theranos, who was found guilty of fraud, Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook, now Metaverse, who has failed to protect public safety.
The list goes on.
We see their actions as selfish, unethical and for personal gain. We are less inclined to think that these leaders made innocent mistakes. We hold our leaders and other public figures to higher standards because of the example they set for, and impact they have on, many people. Consequently, we judge them more harshly. Why is this? Why do we not feel able to show them compassion?
Research shows that dominant, aggressive leaders are more likely to be punished for their transgressions than those that typically enable others. The researchers found that leaders who gained their status through dominance, tended to be forceful in getting their opinions across and influenced through coercion. While leaders who gained their status through prestige acted as a teacher and enabled others by sharing their knowledge and skills. The second group of leaders were essentially investing in the longer-term future of their organisations by building skills so that others could grow and develop and become the future leaders.
If we return to Boris Johnson, it’s harder for the public to believe that his presence at the alleged parties in Downing Street were an innocent mistake. He is viewed as a law unto himself while ordinary citizens in England have been forced to observe the strict lockdown laws that were in place. There is a strong sense of anger and injustice that there was seemingly one rule for them and another for the rule makers.
Prestigious leaders, on the other hand, are seen as being altruistic and less concerned with their own gain, and so are believed when they say they made a genuine mistake. For example, few remember that Nelson Mandela was condemned for advocating violence against the apartheid government in South Africa and revere him as a peacemaker and wise leader.
His wife Winnie Mandela on the other hand, was widely condemned for her reign of terror and found guilty by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of being ‘politically and morally accountable for the gross violations of human rights committed by the Mandela United Football Club’, which was her security detail.
According to JL Goetz et al in their 2010 article ‘Compassion: An Evolutionary Analysis and Empirical Review’ in the Psychological Bulletin, American Psychological Association there are four gates we need to pass through to be able to show compassion to others. Let’s walk through each stage and see how it might apply to some familiar examples.
Satisfying a goal?
When there is a painful event, the first gate addresses the question, ‘Who is the victim?’ If we are the victim, we feel anger, sadness, or shame. For example, the painful event in the case of Boris Johnson is the hubris that he displayed. People in the UK feel the victim of this behaviour because they were required by law to restrict their physical contact with others both inside and outside their homes. This meant that people were not allowed to be with their elderly, sick or dying relatives. They are naturally outraged that they had to abide by the law of the land, while Johnson and many people in his party did not.
If we are not the victim of the transgression, as is the case for people not living in the UK in the above example, we move on to the second gate. The query here is: ‘Does the target’s suffering satisfy a goal for oneself?’
If we believe that the person should suffer, we may feel happy, or schadenfreude. For example, many people were happy that Derek Chauvin was found guilty of murdering George Floyd in April 2021 and finally admitted his guilt in December 2021.
Boris Johnson is facing calls for his resignation. Many people believe that these outcomes are justified i.e. the punishment fits the crime. Part of this justification comes from their lack of remorse for their actions.
On a more everyday level, we may feel pleased that we get a promotion ahead of our rivals or abusive leaders get sacked. But do we really know what is going on for these leaders and why they acted as they did? On some level, they are suffering too.
Deserving of help?
Take Elizabeth Holmes – what caused her to commit fraud? Was it pure greed? Love of power? Was she facing enormous pressure to perform? Only those in her inner circle will know the truth. In my 20’s I worked for a director who routinely tore a strip off his staff when they did not perform to the high standards that he demanded. I feared him and simultaneously wanted to win his approval. I remember an occasion when the team of direct reports went out for dinner and his wife joined us. I was amazed at how lovely she was and wondered how they could be married. It made me realise that often we don’t truly know who someone really is unless we are close to them.
If we do not benefit from the target suffering, we move on to the third gate that we need to pass through to show compassion. The consideration here is ‘is the target deserving of help?’
If we feel the individual is undeserving of our support, we will not show compassion. Some people have condemned Whoopi Goldberg for her recent misstep in saying that the Holocaust was not about racism but man’s inhumanity to man. Her show, The View was suspended, and she had to apologise for any offense she caused. She has been punished for her transgression but where is the compassion for her suffering? Many believe that she does not deserve any while another viewpoint is that this could have been a teachable moment rather than one of castigation.
How will we get closer to world peace if we do not seek to understand those whose words, actions and beliefs are diametrically opposed to our own? The purpose of the Truth and Reconciliation Commissions is ‘to hold public hearings to establish the scale and impact of a past injustice, typically involving wide-scale human rights abuses, and make it part of the permanent, unassailable public record. Truth commissions also officially recognise victims and perpe‘. While it is challenging to acknowledge and forgive the perpetuators of terrible crimes, it is possible, and in so doing to heal individuals and nations. It takes courage, compassion, and wisdom to do this. Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela were gracious in their ability to extend compassion to the perpetrators of these heinous human rights abuses. Winnie Mandela remained a controversial figure until her death in 2018.
Do I have the resources to help?
If we accept that these individuals are deserving of our compassion, we can move on to the fourth and final gate: ‘Do I have the resources to help?’
Often, we do not have the resources or capacity to extend compassion to our leaders. We are trying to keep our heads above water, juggle our responsibilities, deliver what is expected of us at home and at work. The Covid-19 pandemic has intensified the pressures that we face so that we are less tolerant or empathetic of leaders who commit misdemeanours. We can feel under-resourced and do not give transgressors the benefit of the doubt or recognise the pressures that they may be experiencing.
While not everyone who misbehaves is deserving of compassion, there are times that if we can access our courage, compassion, and wisdom, we can suspend our judgement of others and seek to know them on a deeper level and what is driving their behaviour. We can see beyond the surface, presenting behaviours and extend compassion to them instead of indignation, condemnation, or anger. Iris Murdoch’s philosophy on unselfing turns us outwards instead of focusing on ourselves. Unselfing may support us in showing compassion to transgressors.
Dr Joan van den Brink is an Executive Coach, management consultant and founder of Araba Consulting. Her new book, The Three Companions, is available in paperback. You can read an extract from the book here.
