Developing emotional intelligence requires perseverance, but pays dividends to aspiring leaders, says Nicole Soames
Whether it’s pitching a business idea to potential investors, persuading a client to agree to your proposal or asking a colleague for extra resources for a project, we all influence others on a daily basis. The secret to becoming a strong influencer is learning how to leverage your emotional intelligence (EQ) – the ability to recognise and manage your own emotions and those of others – to communicate effectively so that you make it easy for the other person to agree with your point of view.
How emotional intelligence helps you influence others
As behavioural science author Daniel Pink said in his book To Sell is Human: ‘Like it or not we’re all in sales now. Just because you don’t have ‘sales’ in your job title doesn’t mean you don’t have to sell to people.’
Whatever you walk of life, you have to draw on your influencing skills to get people to agree to your point of view. Strong influencers persuade others to come around to their way of thinking by building value in the person’s mind and motivating them on an emotional level.
After all people buy people – it is far easier to agree with someone you like and trust. The key to building this trust is to develop the emotional intelligence skills outlined in the diagram below.
The great news is that your EQ, unlike your IQ, isn’t fixed – it can be developed over time. However, these so called ‘soft’ skills are often the hardest to learn. Below are five steps to help you dial up your EQ so you can get other people to say ‘yes’ to your idea or recommendation:
Understand your own communication style
Self-awareness is often described as the cornerstone of EQ. This is because self-improvement is almost impossible unless you work out what really makes you tick. Take the time to understand how your own communication style may impact those around you. A great way to do this is to use a personality profiling tool such as DISC. Once you have identified your communication style, you need to identify those of the person you are trying to influence and align them accordingly. For example, if you are a people-person who likes to communicate the bigger picture, you may need to flex your style in order to inspire an introverted person who makes decisions based on facts and figures.
Harness your social skills to build strong relationships
Strong influencers draw on their empathy to see things from other people’s points of view so that they can understand the best way to motivate them on an emotional, personal and commercial level. By stepping into the other person’s shoes and understanding their particular needs, you will be able to find common ground and start building a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. A great technique to help you achieve this is to ask clever questions to uncover other people’s needs and then actively listen to their response. This means reading beyond the words – after all only 7% of what we communicate comes from the words we use, 93% comes from non-verbal cues such as our tone of voice and body language.
Deliver a compelling story
Steve Jobs once said: ‘The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller.’
And, with research showing that we are 22 times more like to remember a story than a fact, it’s not surprising that strong influencers harness the power of storytelling to engage other people and capture their attention. Your goal should be to create an engaging story that wins the other person’s hearts and minds. The more visual and connected you make the story the more effective it will be. Always prepare and rehearse your story beforehand so you can deliver it in an authentic and compelling way.
Draw on your self-control to manage the influencing conversation
The secret to controlling the influencing conversation is to be truly present in the moment. This means dialling down any interference in your head – any doubts, concerns or worries – so you can focus entirely on the other person. By drawing on your self-reliance and self-control in this way you will be able to respond rather than react to what the other person is saying to you and keep the influencing conversation moving forwards. As the saying goes, strong influencers should ‘always be closing’ so be on the front foot and put the next steps on the table as a way of flushing out whether the other person agrees with your point of view or not.
Be appropriately ambitious for the influencing situation
In today’s rapidly changing world, adaptability and optimism are crucial if you want to achieve business success. It’s therefore more important than ever to be solution-orientated and flexible in your outlook. By embracing new ways of thinking and seeing change as an opportunity rather than a threat, you will benefit from increased levels of motivation and improved performance. Remember confidence is contagious – if you set your sights high, you are more likely to inspire the other person to go beyond the here and now and reach new heights as well.
Finally, it’s important to bear in mind that developing your EQ doesn’t just happen overnight – just like learning any new skill, it takes ambition, commitment and hard work. Try to weave these EQ skills into your everyday life. The more time you spend influencing others, the more like second nature it will become.
Adopt the principle of plan, do and review to help you on your journey. Plan ahead and set yourself a particular influencing goal and then review the conversation to determine what worked well and what could be improved upon. This way you will constantly challenge yourself to raise the bar and reap the rewards of improved performance and greater business success.
Nicole Soames is CEO of Diadem Performance, a leading commercial skills training and coaching company, and author of The Influence Book, The Negotiation Book and The Coaching Book.
Nicole is presenting an AMBA webinar on 15 October 2019, on ‘The power of influence: the emotional intelligence skills required to get people to agree with your point of view’.
AMBA members can join the webinar for free. Click here for more information.
For more information about Nicole, visit www.diademperformance.com or follow her on twitter @nicolesauthor
